so thankful

tonight i sat, after i came from the club, and watched an old performance of mine from two years ago in oakland, ca. this performance was “really” important for me because it was in honor of the SF8, a group of african american men who were being harassed by the police almost forty years after their supposed crime took place. Something about the patriot act that allowed old cases against the government to be reopened with a more careful eye, said mr. bush, (and we all know of the things bush said.)

what ended up taking place in these matters was a travesty to what it means to be american. many citizens of color were being harassed in their sixties and seventies, awakened out of their sleep, dragged from their homes, and stolen away from their families. all in the name of national security and continuing the fight against terrorism, by all means necessary.

this performance was in honor of these men, as well as a (re)dedication to our ancestors and our continual fight against police brutality and a reclaiming of our rights as citizens of this “great” country. i prepared my set with all of this in mind, as well, the location of said event was at the same church where a very good friend of mine named nathan walrod was sunset celebrated – a death we all thought was much too early. nate was one of the few people who encouraged me to sing and his words rang through my head on this particular day. i had planned to give myself spaces in the performance where i use improvisation, or freestyle flow, depending on what i was feeling.

as i sat back and watched the performance in its entirety, i was reminded of myself in a powerful way. lately i have been dealing with doubt and fear, and i know when these emotions come up for me i am at a crucial point in my life, creatively and spiritually all the same. i take these moments as a particular serum for bad feelings and allow myself to be as raw as possible in my present experience. for me, as an artist, and a hueman these emotions are very important. they are like hieroglyphics, secret writings which will later expose me to enormous energies and resources. so, i go through them, or better said let them go through me. anyhoot, tonight, as i sat and watched myself shine and share truths and song honesty, i broke into a tear or two. sitting back and allowing myself to honor me, allowing the energy to speak to me in new ways, and encouraging myself to be humbled by the experience. all of this worked to help me write this blog. to give me a space in time where i can appreciate my talent and find new ways to tap into what is necessary for me to be excellent in the present moment. tonight, i am thankful for this opportunity to bask in the glory of god within me. to sit back and listen.

after all that is said and done, i have a few truths to hold unto tonight as i lay me down. i have a few honest to god realities that i know. and this knowing does not bog me down or make me feel weighted, it rises me up, perks up the innocence of my spirit and allows me to see more clearly. allows me to see.

 

thank you.