this week in its amazingness
I started the week feeling sorry for myself. As if I was a marionette and someone else was directing my movements, limply. As many of you know this kind of living is wack. At least in its essence of denial of what is actually happening. I say wack because there are so many blessings to be had for us sentient beings by just breathing, and by feeling sorry, we make a mess of what god has divined so beautifully for us.
Last saturday I went to see Black Swan with Adam. That fucking movie blew my mind. I still have shivers and sensations in my body when I think about what transpired in that flick. I was left, alone, with a simple idea about the artist. Our lives are lived in front of many people, but sometimes we dance, sing, create, and live alone. Many trials and tribulations for us to rise above, many rivers for us to cross.
The sheer brilliance of this message has taking hold of me in a way that hopefully will stay for a long time. I want to remember these sacrifices that I have made to make the world more beautiful, and relate with others that know this same truth. I want to remember the way of the warrior and how it makes me a better person to live my life as it is. (This is not a review of the film ‘Black Swan’, just an exercise in its myriad messages and its beauty, as well how all of this relates to my life right now. See it for yourself for the your own assessment.)
The next day I awoke to the promise of my life. I hung out with a dear friend of mine, Christin Hill, who I’ve known since 6th grade. We hung out for the entire day and we both just basked in the glory of what it is to be loved. Our conversation at times was so brilliant that I saw glimmer of lights in my friend’s eyes so bright that it was contagious. At the same time as I saw her brilliant light, I knew I reflected the same joy and wonder. So beautiful her visions and conjurings of life were. So articulate the message inside of my body; I was worth the fight, my life’s experiences and situations made me more brilliant by its necessary pressure. Like coal, and diamonds, how important it is to have pressure in the creation of priceless jewels, life. All of this in our conversation, our meanderings.
I left my friend sunday night birthed again and thankful. By the time I woke up Monday, I knew that this day was going to make me into me. There was something mystical in Monday’s sermon. Right when I woke up I knew there was a healing to take place. Some kind of wonderful indeed. My night ended with me having a delicate, essential home-coming conversation with my mother, a meeting with Ntozage Shange, a home-coming celebration of 10 years of Hip Hop Theater, and a dedication to my artistic ability and career goals. Monday was off the hook. In many ways than one. Once caught, now free, once chained, now re-imagined.
Tuesday night celebrated my good friend Dawn’s birth; a dancer and a lover, these two qualities are inseparable for Dawn, and evident in all that she does, and all of her moves. Her only request from her guests was that folks share something personal in her salon. This was her only birthday wish; that we share our talents. My pockets empty, bank accounts in the red, this gift seemed easy to give. My words, those two sticks, this hymnal and rhyme anthem released me from any doubt and all fear that I may “ever” had. I opted to share my song 2nd, after a powerhouse performance from a woman no taller than four feet ten. The god inside of her opened a spirit inside of me that was relentless and fearless, awaiting the divine head first. (The energy from this party helped myself and two other singers break our cherries that night and sing publicly on the “A” train. We wanted to ask for money, but the sheer feeling of pushing past fear had us in deep contemplation, and rich, after our diddy.)
Wednesday night I went to Adam’s house. Adam’s mother Valerie read my novel, Frederic, and sparked a sensation inside of me that breathed of accomplishment and pride. She had read the beginning of my book, and generally liked it. Her comments made me smile, as she is an accomplished researcher and writer. After this experience I went to another friend’s house, eva. Adam and I had wine, great conversation and wonderful cable. Right before we were to leave my cell phone rang. It was Melva, she was in tears. Melva is my great friend, reflection spirit, who has amazing insight into life and the way of the world. She told me she was crying because my angels were with her and sharing the goods on my life, and the goods about me. I was to accept my royal blood, my kingdom and my place as king. My angels were speaking to her. They were hanging on to her so she would call me and speak on it with me. Her tears held me spiritually hostage in a way that spoke to the truth as necessary healing, as is birth. It is always right on time. And she was obedient enough to shed/share her tears about this truth, this celebratory experience that we had together; for all times. Sh shared the word, this cause for dance.
I still can hear her crying, speaking of the divine gifts awaiting me. I know. I know. I accept. I call on you spirit for everything that is mine to come to me. I know and see my kingdom fore I am king. (ase). Thursday, I watched “Radiant Child’, and ‘Basquiat’, both films about the creative indigenous spirit Jean Michel Basquiat. I needed to be immersed in the colors of my world – in black. Hues which speak of the divine quest of humanity. I needed to be immersed in black boy genius, so I could see myself shine. See my crown shine.
And tonight, or this morning – I must wrap up my week and tell you all about friday. A lovely day, made of chili, tea, red wine, LES, birthday parties, singing and spiritual families gatherings. I am still ringing from the connection that I made tonight A door is open and I walked through it to write this blog, to say this prayer, ‘dear creative power inside and out, follow and lead me, into the new and old situation so I can soar. Detail my flight in the cumulative account of my wing’s journeys. Speak to me in tongues as we acknowledge the presence of the holy spirit, as soon as I released myself and submitted.’ Tonight, I met my brother. I knew it in his face’s creation. I’ll cement it tomorrow, as I continue this powerful week in me.
-inch allah
(one nation under the groove.)
